Gay Incestmaybe Edwardo
by dasengelhertzmitflugeln
Summary: Something is coming to the small town where Edward and his family live. Head vampire James has a distinct interest in the boy. his usually distant father finds a new type of love for his son... deep in his loins. and his lions. by Billiejo
1. Eduardo Not Wanted: HEINEKEN least

Once upon a time, there lived a young boy named Eduardo. He lived in a casa along the coast of Mexico. He never knew the dangers that lay in his home town until that one fateful day. His father, Carlitos, was taking a stroll through the famous gardens of the Queso tribe, when he decided to let his son in on his secret. "Eduardo, my son," he looked down the few inches his son lacked in comparison to his 6 foot frame, "everything you think you know about this town is a lie."

"Como?" Eduardo exclaimed, "Say it isn't true papi!"

"Ummmm… son, I haven't even told you what the lies are yet? Why are you being so melodramatic? I should slap you."

"Then tell me, Papita, because right now," Eduardo sighed noisily, "I can't trust you."

"You know Eduardo, I don't think I want to tell you anymore. You can just run off with your worthless sister Alicia without the knowledge and your big brother Emeto and I will be the only ones who will survive the attack."

"Ay!" Eduardo flinched as if his hand had just been slapped. "You know Alicia wouldn't be able to protect me from anyone!"

"Ay yai yai Eduardo." And with that he wacked his son on the back of the head with a Fred Flinstone club and picked up his limp body. Dragging his sons lightweight body deep into the woods, Carlitos wiped his hands and headed home to pack his things and leave town with his favorite children.

Eduardo awoke several hours later in a daze. He fumbled for his watch to check the time, only to realize that his father had probably swiped it.

With his father on crack, his body dumped in the forest, Eduardo knelt down and screamed up to the heavens, "Why God, why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off."

"Gosh darnit, really God?"

"Yeah, really son. Like, your gon be turned into a vampire soon which means no Heaven for you… So…. Later."

Eduardo gaily snickered. "Ah, silly Dios. Vampires do not exist!"

And with that, God too, like his father, disappeared. Rejected for the second time within the span of a few hours, Eduardo hung his head. He took a few steps west, and then noticed a ripped piece of paper with a scrawled note, with handwriting that resembled his father's!

'_Buscas probar algo diferente? Kerns te ofrece la deliciosa refrescante e autentica agua de horchata, la favorita de Mexico y otros paises Latinoamericanos_.'

Translated into English, this means, "Discover the truth or die you little piece of shit."

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	2. Eduardo Wanted: for Wiggliest

Eduardo Chapter 2 (Part One)

It was late and Eduardo had been wandering for several hours now. His father had dumped him deep in the forest and Eduardo realized that he would have to scavenge for his own dinner. Noticing several plants with berries but also admitting the possibility that they may be poisonous, he decided that he would search for an animal to eat and, alas, a squirrel approached. Cautiously nearing the rodent, Eduardo slowly reached out but it hissed at him and flew onto the nearest branch, all the while surveying Eduardo with beady eyes. Somehow, the beady eyes looked familiar. It… it… it couldn't be! He thought on it a little more and realized that he _did_ know those beady eyes. The squirrel came swooping down from its branch and clamped onto Eduardo's neck. He knew he should be scared but he wasn't. Eduardo began to succumb to the squirrel's tight clench even thought he couldn't quite tell what the bat was doing. Suddenly, or not so suddenly, considering the squirrel had been hanging on for a minute before it did so, he felt the teeth sink into his neck. The squirrel broke away after a few moments and spit out the blood that it had in its mouth, causing Eduardo to look offended.

"Why do you bite me squirrel?" He said softly, feeling a bit woozy.

The squirrel started to shift form, into a person that was not immediately identifiable as a boy or girl. "I thought you would taste good because your skin is tender like a female, but you actually taste like rotten eggs."

"Excuse me?" exclaimed Eduardo, still offended. "I have been lying in the forest for a long time and have probably eaten about five bugs while I was asleep so I don't think you would taste so nice either."

The man, who was now identifiable as a man, just looked at Eduardo and began to smirk. This only frustrated Eduardo further, who had originally found the squirrel to be familiar and comforting, but now felt as though they shared a mutual long-harbored hatred and distrust.

"Boy," the man breathed out, "you are to be my apprentice." Eduardo began to back away slowly but the squirrel-man was by his side in an instant. Once again, he stared at Eduardo and, facing him, loosely grabbed both of his biceps.

SO, WE WERE DOING THIS ON THE TRAIN FROM SAN DIEGO (COMIC CON!) AND THE TRAIN GOT TO R STOP BEFORE WE WERE FINISHED AND WE NEED… INSPIRATION TO DO THIS PARTICULAR STORY SO THE SECOND HALF OF CHAPTER TWO WILL BE POSTED WHENEVER THAT HAPPENS…LOL


	3. AUTHOR'S NOTE

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Sorry for the lack of updating, I've kind of been out of commission (if you've read my other update you'll notice I'm almost going verbatim here… Kind of figure I don't have to be THAT creative with my author's notes lol. But I will be updating really soon if anyone's hung in there!


	4. Eduardo Tingles: Triangle oineyb

Eduardo Chapter 2 Part II

Eduardo was frightened by the man's grasp but his thoughts shifted when he felt the man's full weight bare down on him. Eduardo reached for his rape whistle before realizing that the man was losing control of his legs.

"I apologize young apprentice," The man said as he slipped further to the floor, "I can only stand for the first one minute and thirty-seven seconds of being in my human form." Eduardo looked confused. "That is," the squirrel-man continued, "unless I do this!" Quickly, he sucked some blood from the spot on the boy's neck where he had bitten him in his squirrel-from. It lasted only a few seconds before he replaced his loose grip on Eduardo's arms. "As disgusting as that was, it alone will keep me standing for another –" he looked at his watch, "another minute and fifty-eight seconds."

Noticing that Eduardo was trying to back away from him, the squirrel-man tightened his grip on his arms, effectively trapping him. Eduardo suddenly noticed how tall and looming this squirrel-man was, and began to look really constipated and scared.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no!" Eduardo started rocking back and forth, screaming useless exclamations, "Emeto! Papi! Alicia! Somebody help! The squirrel! The squirrel!" The squirrel-man laughed at Eduardo, but Eduardo was suddenly unfazed. "I am used to people laughing at me, estúpido. Eduardo is no one's apprentice, so unhand me or mi papita will hurt you!"

"Oh," the larger man said, "that wouldn't be the papita who left your sorry tushy in this forest, now would it?" He smirked at Eduardo's glare, "No, my young apprentice. Neither God nor your papita will help you now. The transformation has already begun."

Eduardo noticed that his butt was beginning to tingle. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

The squirrel-man only smirked again and said "You ask too many questions, grasshopper. I will see you again before dawn." Suddenly no one was grasping Eduardo and there was only a pile of clothes on the ground in front of him. Thoroughly frazzled, he kneeled down to assess the clothes when he noticed a little moving bump under the t-shirt.

A squirrel suddenly darted out from under the shirt, and hissed at Eduardo's pudgy, grasping fingers before disappearing into the forest.

"It is just as well that you leave me, too, squirrel-man," the thrice abandoned boy muttered to himself before making the rest of the way down to the ground and laying his head of his knees. "Oh. a-my. A-god. good day." Drowning in his sorrows, Eduardo didn't know what to think. That is, until he realized that his tingling butt was becoming more and more tingly. He had something to think about then because as the tingling increased, so did the screeching noise coming from somewhere in the woods…

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


End file.
